Morning Pages Free Write & Affirmations 12.26.15

December 26, 2015

Our deepest fear ... 

what are your influences
What is your light
where is your dark
what is the source of your inspiration
where does your syrupy glitter flow from
come from
how did this moment come to be?
All I've ever known is existence
Why would I believe there's anything but that.
Where is hell in the universe?
Between which constellation does purgatory lie?
Does god live where the airplanes go.
Do I live where the airplanes go ? Can I build a house from the clouds, from the skies

in the heavens?
Is the earth's crust
is the molten
is the lava
the enteral brimstone home,
You hate me

Think me blasphemous
I am.
Because you are Jesus and you've elected to take the easy way out which in my opinion is far more difficult than dying at 33 for what you believe in.
Living a life in honesty
in purity
in peace

To live a life in peace sounds ideal
I used to fq around in my child mind
And think ooooh bad things about Jesus
Then gasp "can he hear me?"
When there are mites all over my body?
creatures on my fleas
Persons in my water
The complex balance
I find it harder and harder to conceptualize me.

One me
I am a host
Just as the thinnest strands of silk spin from a spider 100 times thinner than a human hair.
There's bacteria on that
viruses on them
persons endlessly small.
Our masterful eyes can't even begin to register
they don't clock in.
Good morning.

I'm not afraid
I saw a mouse trap yesterday and I only jumped a little in my mind
I am smorgishboard at night for tiny critters who litter their remains in my mouth ear and eyes and I'm fine with it
We depend upon each other without y'all I'd have no one to keep me in balance
constantly fighting the tensions


I think he's hooked

I'm getting complacent and can use a break soon
I want space

I'm not interested without space

The tension
I smell of a stale shower and expired tomorrow's
We nasty a little.

Be like the birds they say
Don't worry
don't worry don't sorry
"Well Jesus is the bosses son
he's got nothing to worry about"
But how?
How people
And how can humans be thee thing
You too are the bosses son
So many know that
I and the father are one
Yup me too
And me and me too
But why not think of yourself as so grand
That you're an insignificant speck of a critter
You're not godd
You're just a child
You're just a little woman
You're just a migrant worker
A transit worker
you have no say about the goings ons and life pushes you around
If only ...
You should have been more important
Born to a different family
Shit you did it

and did it


The realization that your power is endless
that you can create civilizations and cocoons
That you can fly and dance across skies in a range of colors and breathtaking moments
Lacking desire
I desire to keep this journey going it's so fun but also if it ends here that's okay
It makes no difference it makes no difference it makes no difference
do as you love in the moment
I promise
Buy freedom with time

I Amani use my creativity to build a successful life

I Amani use my creativity to ....

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Last updated May '20.

New York State,

Lenape to Mahican territory

and beyond.